Although we're talking about it more and more, plenty of people suffer in silence after enduring a pregnancy loss. All too often, the stigma—and loneliness that can stem from it—can stand in the way of a grieving person receiving the support they need. It doesn't always have to be that way, though. A mom from California has shared a beautiful example of what friendship following a miscarriage might look like.
Last month, Ashlee Gadd, a mom of three and the founder of the Coffee Crumbs storytelling community for moms, shared a series of images, with the caption, "Friendship: A thread." It starts out with a photo of toilet paper and Cheez-Its. We then see a screenshot of texts between Gadd and her friend Anna Quinlan.
"Checking on you. Please choose from one of the following," the text from Quinlan reads.
She goes on to offer her friend multiple choices: She could pick Gadd's three kids up and take them out to dinner (of course bringing food back for Gadd herself), order DoorDash food for Gadd, do a Target run, or offer prayers/good vibes and hold off on "any tangible services at this time."
Gadd opted for the Target run and said she could just use toilet paper and Cheez-Its (all that she was eating at the time). Not long after, both items appeared on her front porch.
Commenters applauded the heartfelt post. One wrote, "Ah I love this. When my mom died, people kept offering if they could do anything, and it was too hard and emotionally tiring to say yes and have to specify what, so I just said no. Options make it so much easier for the person struggling. What a kind friend."
Another wrote, "Oh I love the options. And proud of you for accepting help."
Quinlan told Today Parents of the inspiration behind the sweet move, "I've seen so many of my friends endure really hard times… husbands and children with cancer, miscarriages, divorce, sudden deaths of parents. I am always amazed at the crowd of women I see gather around to offer support in those times."
And of her experience, Gadd noted, "There's so much I didn't know about this kind of loss. I never understood how much ordinary life continues swirling around… how this process doesn't happen in a day. It lasts and lingers. I never considered how many women are walking around in public places in the process of silently miscarrying."
By offering her various tangible options, Quinlan was able to help her friend feel seen and supported. Gadd couldn't have appreciated it more, telling Today, "More often than not, I think most of us default to, 'Let me know if you need anything.' I'll speak for myself—I've sent that text a hundred times. She gave me something tangible to grab onto, without the emotional fatigue of trying to think of what I needed."
Friends and partners everywhere, take note.
